But what if that mosquito was a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
What if that bite was an STD or an emptied bank account. You can’t just squash
your ex…. Well you could, but I wouldn’t advise it. Comparing an emptied bank
account to a mosquito bite is a very poor comparison but I wanted to make a
point. And my point is that it is easy to put behind small hurts—but big hurts?
Not so much.
Yet the same way we handle the mosquito bite is the way we
need to handle our past hurt. We put it behind us. How do we do it? We forgive.
How do we forgive? It’s complicated but possible. And forgiveness of others can
only happen if you forgive yourself. That being said, if you have forgiven
yourself then here are three things that I apply to my life (in no particular order) to help me forgive:
1.
Just do it.
Yes, this is my personal preferred method
of forgiveness. I just do it. It is a mindset. I don’t see it as something that
I should do, but as something that I have to do. Why? Because if I don’t I am
the one that is going to pay for it. I am not going to be victimized twice by
anyone. I am victimized once, when they commit the crime and then secondly when
I lose sleep or my health, because I can’t forgive them.
2.
Don’t try to forget but…
Treat them like you forgot. This is only
something that is an issue if you have to deal with the person periodically. Don’t
forget what they did, that is downright dangerous, but treat them like you
forgot. After all, you will probably have to interact with this person in some
form for the sake of someone or something important to you. Put away angry
thoughts directed toward that person and keep them a safe distance away. You can’t
really forgive or interact with anyone well, if you are thinking about stabbing
them in the eye. Also, back to forgiving yourself, you should also treat YOURSELF
as if you forgot. Yes, I know that it sounds odd, but consider doing/not doing
the following:
a.
Don’t keep bringing up the story. You may not realize it but
every time you bring it up, you are bringing yourself right back to the pain
and as long as you keep doing this, you will never heal.
b.
Don’t live your life as if you are destined to
get hurt the same way by a different person or thing. You end up living a life
of imprisonment and in a way you imprison the good people around you. I have to
be honest. I have spent a lot of hours with past girlfriends paying for what an
ex-boyfriend did.
c.
Do learn how to balance trust with wisdom. Yes,
I hear you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I believe you, but you have to take
your life in your own hands. Learn whom to trust and whom not to trust. Once
you do this, you will have the confidence to move on and you will be
essentially treating yourself as if you forgot.
3.
And finally—
Get justice. No, I am not talking about
revenge. I am talking about closure, which could range from confronting the
person to ensuring that they pay for their crime. Now here is where you have to
weigh the cost. Look, if the person you want to confront is psycho; then don’t
confront them. At the very least that person may try to twist things and make
you feel like it was ALL your fault. If there was an illegal crime against you,
take whatever evidence you have to the police and put it in the hands of the
law. Me personally, my greatest act of justice is to live. Live a happy
productive life, so that the person that harmed me would know that in the
scheme of things their existence was only a small obstacle.
You will notice that I didn’t mention prayer or praying to
have your anger or even hatred removed. I believe in the power of prayer. But I
also believe that prayer with actions is very effective. In other words,
sometimes God will not remove your mountain, but if that is the case, he will
surely give you the strength to climb it.
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