The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {The First Date and more}

Previous Post: Don’t Chase too Hard, but don’t run away

This is my final post on finding love the biblical way. I hope that it has helped someone.

I doubt that you will even need to have multiple dates in your life, but there is nothing wrong with it. The bible says cast your bread on many waters and surely it will return to you. Well you can apply that to dating and meeting people.

Which leads to another question—how do you get to the first date? You have put yourself in position to meet someone special. Ideally, Boaz should ask you out. However, Boaz can sometimes be rather clueless. Therefore, like Ruth who had to present herself to Boaz, sometimes you have to tell your Boaz too. I understand if you are a woman and you don’t feel comfortable asking a man. And sometimes you won’t have too.

In my experience when a Ruth type asked me out, it was indirect and there is nothing wrong with that. A simple statement along the line of, “we should watch a movie together” is sufficient. I hope that your Boaz isn’t too dense. I hope that he or she will get the picture. There is always the possibility that he doesn’t want to get it, but if that is the case, then it is time to go on to the next one.

There are subtle ways of asking someone out, or showing interest. I think there is a place for passive aggression in dating. Like the young lady who faked falling so that her interest would catch her. Don’t try that. Some people do not have good reflexes. You could end up in the hospital.

But then again, you might meet the doctor of your dreams.

For the most point, if you are not willing to be brave and bold your chances of meeting your Boaz becomes slimmer. That is the thing with life, chance favors the bold and miracles favor those who persevere.

 

Now we have to ask ourselves.

Did Ruth and Boaz date? If you look at the book of Ruth, you would be hard pressed to call it a date. Their interaction started in the field. However, if we look at dating as a form of courtship, we see that dating itself is like water and can take the shape of the culture it is enclosed in.

Boaz and Ruth had a steady form of interaction. As she worked in the fields, Boaz made sure that she felt comfortable. He talked with her and helped her because he admired her.  If you look at their date as a progression, they went from a non-date, to the big date and on to the really big date (marriage).

That is how a relationship should behave. It should progress. If it slows, that is good. If it moves fast, that is not necessarily bad. However, in most cases, taking it slow is better.

While taking it slow, you can be cautious and allow your potential love interest to earn more and more of your trust. Don’t play games or treat him or her like a lab experiment. Just watch and pray. Look for red flags. Don’t ignore them. If a person attempts to tell you who they are—listen to them.

This goes more into the realm of maintaining a relationship. Maybe one day I will write about that, but that is for a later time.

A warning about sex.

The best thing you can do is to wait until marriage. It is easier if you a virgin, but it is rare to meet a virgin in their twenties, and that drops significantly when you are in your thirties. Moreover, the idea of two virgins actually coming together sounds nearly impossible.

What if you are not a virgin, but you wish to wait? I suggest that you gauge if the person you are dating has the fortitude to wait until marriage. If not, then understand that if you pursue a relationship with this person you may end up in a relationship that is flawed from the beginning.  It is not impossible to have a good relationship—if you are in the bed before you exchange wedding vows. It is just a really bad idea.

If you are already on the train and you are thinking that if I stop this train abruptly I am just going to derail and destroy—yeah, that is highly possible.

A train has to be slowed first. You and your mate can undo a lot of damage if you stop, make peace with one another and decide that you will march right into marriage hand in hand the best way possible. I know that it can be done…. I also know that it is one of the hardest things to do.

Good luck.

As stated earlier, this is the final post on Ruth and Boaz. It is not my final post, I will definitely continue the popular Short Story Saturdays, even if I am taking a break from that this weekend. But I will also post my thoughts on other subjects as well, so please stay tuned.

You can buy my adult scifi novel Hearteless: A Journey to Second Earth  @amazon or here.

For email updates, please click HERE and feel free to leave a message.

Also, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers

 

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {Don’t chase too hard, but don’t run away}

Previous Post: Flirt with interest

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

I don’t wish to beat a dead horse, but even when you are in the beginning stages of a brand new relationship don’t show yourself to be desperate. You are going to have to put your heart in a minimal security prison. This is true whether you are male or female.

You are going to need to follow your heart, to avoid any type of regret, but you should follow it when it is ready. You shouldn’t chase after anyone to the point your actions border on the line of stalking. But at the same time, you shouldn’t play so hard to get that your love interest questions if you are worth it.

Let’s be honest. He or she has no idea if you are worth it or not. They have an idea but they don’t truly know and if you play mission impossible, you become a message that will self-destruct in five seconds.

Boom.

As odd as it may sound, your chase needs to be balanced with your retreat. For instance, suppose you ask your love interest out and they give you an excuse; do not worry about it. The excuse may be legitimate and if it is not, the truth will eventually come out. A good indicator that they are into you is if they lead you to an alternative. Directly or indirectly. For instance they may say, “I can’t go this weekend, because I have to ***** but I am available next weekend if you want to hang out.” If that is the case, just reschedule.

What should you do with a flat out rejection? Put it in a box and flush it down the toilet—literally. This is just the precursor to the first date and even if it is the first date, you can’t go all in—not yet.

Personally, if I asked a young lady out for Friday and she says she has a hair appointment, I would take myself out. I would do something for myself, something to show love for myself—that is important. You can’t expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself.

At any rate, while you are balancing the line between chase and retreat, you have to communicate. Be as straight forward as possible. Remember, no games. Games are for children and if anyone tells you different, they are probably playing to lose.

Communication is important because everyone is different and you have to decipher what is the right level of pursuit. It is also different with men. It is acceptable for a man to chase, but currently, that is an outdated idea. Repeat after me: “Steve Urkel was a fool.”

But that’s another post.

At this point, the best I can tell you is to not to chase too hard, but surely don’t run away. And this is where the confidence, self-esteem you have built up comes into play because you are going to have to rely on your instincts for the most point…. God Bless.  

The next article will post within a week.

For email updates, please click HERE and feel free to leave a message.

Also, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers or You can buy my adult scifi novel @amazon or here.

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {Flirt with interest}

Previous Post: Act like a lady, think like a—oh just be yourself

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

Now that he has shown interest in you, chances are there will be times when you are not sure about his interest in you. This will be a great time to turn up the heat by flirting more. Yes, I am assuming that you are flirting in some form all ready. But now is the time to flirt even more.

What flirting does is reassure him of your interest—it is sad to say but Boaz needs reassuring too-but it is also a way to assess interest. If you are flirting with your new interest and they are not responding to it in a positive way then you should be concerned. Don’t panic. But put this in your concern box to watch and pray about.

Reasons for a lack of interest could cover a huge range. None of which you can really concern yourself with. You are not psychic, so all you can do is do your part to flirt. Flirt somewhere in the range of subtle to overt tones.

Come to think of it, some of the flirtatious things you will do naturally—if you just let yourself relax. Touching his arm, moving a misplaced hair, paying attention, hanging on his every word and putting yourself in a position to be touched. I have noticed that for some women this is an overt act. A kind of banging a guy across the head and screaming “I want you!”

To you, I say if it ain’t broken, don’t try to fix it. But I have seen to many women and men who just were down right terrible at flirting. Bad to the point of repulsion. Example in my personal life, a girl who was interested in me wanted to entice me with amazing sex. This test involved rubbing my testicles with a sharp instrument. And while she seemed to draw great pleasure out of describing the act, it was anything but pleasurable in my mind. She said she was joking.

But I wasn’t laughing.

If you aren’t good at flirting, one of the best ways to get good is by practicing. But we will talk about it more next time.

Please, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers You can buy my scifi novel @amazon or here.

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {Act like a lady, think like a—oh just be yourself}

Sorry for the Hiatus

Previous Post: I think I got his/her attention

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

As you already know, games are for children. Ladies do not play games. If your immediate retort is that men play games all the time. My response to you is that they are not really men….

Now, in terms of being lady-like, I know some of you were raised to be tomboys. You sit with your legs wider than most men do—when you are wearing jeans. Moreover, you are not into the whole prissy thing. If your idea of letting off steam is hitting a punching bag instead of going for a walk, then do not worry about it. Doing those things does not make you less of a lady.

In fact, the only thing that I think distinguishes a lady from a…non-lady is her natural beauty. In other words, do not hide the fact that you are beautiful. You are a beautiful woman, so act like it.

Do not try to approach life like the worst kind of man, just because some commercial tells you that it is okay. Be comfortable in your femininity. I am not trying to put women back fifty years, but I have seen many women adopting the habits of the bad boy.  

However, one of the great things about women is that most of them are too smart to have one-night stands. Most women actually worry about having unprotected sex and unwanted pregnancies. Most women prefer to make smart decisions.

Therefore, that natural beauty that I am talking about is that part inside of you that makes you thoughtful, loving and creative. Men have this too, but they do not have it as abundantly as women do. It is one of the things that make a relationship so wonderful, particularly for a man. The woman can give him the kind of love that he does not even know he needs. Does this mean you should be overbearingly mothering? No, please do not do that. Be crazy, sexy, and cool. Be yourself.

 Do not be his mother.

Next time: Flirt with interest.

Please, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers You can buy my scifi novel @amazon or here.

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {I think I got his/her attention…now what?~Part 1}

Previous Post: How to gain confidence

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

Okay, you got his attention. Good. Your love interest is asking you what movies you like. Don’t panic, just be honest with him. Ruth did not play games and neither should you. Games are for children and you are an adult. If you feel that you have to play games, then this is not the relationship for you.

If you just like to play games, then I am not sure why you are reading this blog.

Ruth did little to hide her attentions toward Boaz. She was up front. Moreover, she was honest and that is important. It sets the tone for your relationship, if you are up front with one another in the beginning. You will be up front with one another ten years from now.

However, whatever you do, don’t walk in desperation. We are designed to be loved and when we don’t have the love we want, it is hard not to behave in a desperate manner. But desperate behavior is the opposite of confident behavior in most cases.  Over-eagerness will push anyone away. Confidence will attract most people.

 Just remember desperation repulses. Confidence attracts.

Think about something that most good people accept: when you are in a relationship, everybody wants to date you. However, when you are single, no one notices you. Why is that? Because when you are in a relationship, you are less desperate.

So in short, move forward in confidence.

 Next time: Act like a lady, think like a—oh, just be yourself!

Please, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers. For more information about my debut Sci-fi novel, click Here.

 

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love the Biblical Way {Getting Boaz attention Part IV~How to gain confidence}

Previous Post:”Part 2~Approach with confidence

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

Here I am telling you to walk, talk and move confidently—but the center of the problem may be that you have zero confidence. I once lacked confidence. I guess on some levels I still do. However, I treat it like a lifelong disease (for lack of a better term). I fight it every day. And to be honest, I need to spend a separate blog series on confidence, but this should help.

First, we should define confidence. Having confidence is believing in yourself—for the “nonbeliever.” But for the “believer,” it is belief in yourself and belief that no matter what; the One above all, has your back. Ruth had that authentic confidence.  That is why she followed Naomi. She truly believed that she and Naomi would survive and that Ruth’s God would help them when they could not help themselves. Bad things will happen, but you have to believe that God is in the numbers.

Now, I said that I work on my confidence daily. I do not mean to suggest that I sit around and ponder why is it that I look down upon myself. No, I actually do things that bring me confidence or make me feel confident. I think that this depends on the individual, but we are all connected on some level.

I like to wear new clothes when I am not filling confident about a situation. It cost money, but I don’t mind going to a consignment shop or just making the effort to make my old clothes look new. {Dry cleaners, washing and iron, etc.} I put a lot of emphasis on the inside of a person. But there is something to manipulating the outside, to massage what is inside. It is like tinting the windows of the car, so the inside will be a little cooler in the summer. It may not help as much as the air conditioner. But the combination of the two will keep the car very cool.

So, I play dress up. But I exercise too. Now, I am no underwear model. I would think that the average person, who sees me, would argue that I look like a BIG couch potato. But that is not nearly as important as the fact that I know that this couch potato can run two miles, and doesn’t have high blood pressure. Granted, I do eat poorly most of the time, but I put forth the effort to eat better. Moreover, when I am successful, my confidence soars.   

Things that you are good at or can improve upon will work wonders for your confidence. Even if you are just a fast reader, read a book in a day just to show yourself how great you are. Try to read it faster next time to emphasize to yourself just how great you are. Go find an old school arcade game and beat the high score, let everyone else see how great you are. And you are great. You may not know it, but you are great at something. Let that greatness translate into the rest of your life.

Success itself is a great confidence builder. But don’t misunderstand. I think that what you do will build confidence. However, you should not base your confidence on what you do, but on what you know. You have to know that you are charming, intelligent, a great catch and above all, you got God helping you every step of the way. 

If you look at Boaz, he noticed Ruth’s confidence. She was willing to work in a field that didn’t belong to her. He noticed the beauty/sexiness that came with the confidence when she was willing to appear at his feet. And he noticed the Godly dedication to Naomi. Boaz will notice these things in you, but you have to be willing to put those things forward in the first place.

Next Post: I think I got his/her attention…now what?

Please, feel free to comment below and follow me on Google and Twitter @ Frank_D_Rogers. For more information about my debut Sci-fi novel, click Here.

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love The Biblical Way {Who is Boaz, Part II}

Previous Post: ”Who is Boaz, Part I”

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

There is a certain population of women who are healers at heart. Then there are those who have no desire to heal others. They are damaged.  Therefore, they are trying to heal themselves. They have hole where their heart used to be and they are trying to fill it with something bad for them. Instead of chocolate cake, which can leave you with a toothache and a little extra weight, they go for the bad boy who can leave them with heartache and a little extra weight. Actually, they can leave you with a lot more. It is a choice that women may want to reconsider. Does anyone actually know a good girl that married a bad boy and lived happily ever after? Soap operas not included.

There is one more benefit to a bad boy that most women will not admit. Bad boys have lower standards. You don’t have to be a good person; you don’t have to go to church. You don’t have to avoid weed. A bad boy is going to want you for the shallowest of reasons. Moreover, you are fine with that, because you feel that what is outside of you, is more marketable than what is inside of you. Eh, I can’t really blame anyone for thinking that way. The world tells us that every day, but that is not the truth.

Don’t misunderstand. Physical, financial, physical…more emphasis on the physical has a place in every relationship. The Boaz type has physical desires too. If he does not, then he needs to get that checked. However, if you approach him thinking that your lack of true virtue is going to fly, than you have another thing coming.

A Boaz type will go out of their way to avoid getting involved with the wrong person. The Boaz type is even careful about his friends. He chooses them. They DO NOT choose him.

Not so, with the Bad Boy, his friends choose him all the time. He will find something useful that they can do no matter who they are. That is the direct benefit of the Bad Boy; they are like certain credit cards. They will just accept anyone. Unless, that person has nothing to offer anymore, you know after the thrill is gone or if it was never there in the first place.

One last thing on the Bad Boy.

The Bad Boy doesn’t necessarily have all bad traits. In fact, some of the traits that are in the bad boy, every man need to have in some form or another. We will revisit this idea later. However, for the next post, we will look at the Bad Girl, reformed or not. What do you do, if Boaz doesn’t want you?

Next Post: What if Boaz doesn't want you

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love The Biblical Way {Who is Boaz, Part I}

Previous Post: ”The importance of loving yourself part III”

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

Boaz was a close relative of Naomi’s husband. He owned the fields that Ruth works in to feed herself and Naomi. Boaz notices her and enquires about her. He is kind to her because he heard about her loyalty toward Naomi. He even assures her safety, and that she has more than enough to support her blended family.

This is only a small window into the kind of man that Boaz was. We will see as we discuss their relationship that Boaz was truly a noble man. Boaz was the kind of man that appeared to be a rarity then and a rarity now. There are several reasons why Boaz appears to be a rarity. One is because of the nature of Boaz. If we compare Boaz to the “Bad Boy” that so many women will admit that they love, we will find that Boaz in the modern time isn’t the kind of guy you would find in the club.

To be honest, you may not find him in the church either.

He is a respectful person, a hard worker and values these traits in other people. Because he believes in doing what is right and working hard, he tends to either have more or working toward having more in his life. His God is the center of his life, so money is only a tool to him. He doesn’t do the flash even though he can do the flash. He believes in taking care of people and that is as about as selfish as he can get.

He is a good man.

Now the Bad Boy has an edge and a magical hold on certain women. When you ask these women, what it is about a Bad boy that they love so much, they may say that they want to help mold him into the man God has called him to be.

That is so lame.

It isn’t a woman’s calling to change a man’s heart. God does that over time. Don’t misunderstand—I have had a strong female influence in my life. A woman has that power, but the power to influence is not equivalent to the power to change a person’s heart. A good example or a bad example would be the classic nag. Her husband refuses to go to church and she nags him and nags him until he goes. She has influenced him. He has gone and she has gotten what she wanted.

But has she changed his heart?

No, she may not realize it, but she has planted a seed of resentment in his heart. He may go, but is unhappy. And guess who he will associate this sense of unhappiness with? The woman who tried to change him. You are probably thinking that at least he is going to church. Yes, but one of the things that makes Bad Boy so attractive, is that Bad Boy is not desperate. He realizes that he doesn’t have to put up with you. Other women will pick up on this and Sister So and So, who has a voice like honey and a decent figure, can move in. And let’s be honest, she doesn’t have to look good as you. All she has to do is hint that she will give what you will not give. Less nagging, more cooked meals and better bedtime stories. Seriously, no man wants to hear the bedtime story that ends and begins with, “I have a headache.”

Yes, a woman can influence a Bad Boy, but she cannot change him.

So why do I mention Bad Boys in this post when we are studying Boaz? Because Bad Boys tend to find themselves a Ruth type woman and before you know it, that sweet loving Ruth, has become a heavily scarred Jezebel…. To learn how to avoid the situation or even heal from the situation; we need to understand the situation.

Next post: Who is Boaz? Part II; more on Bad Boys.