Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Book of Ruth: Finding #Love The Biblical Way {What if you don’t want Boaz}

Previous Post:  ”Who is Boaz, Part III”

I am a romantic at heart. No, I am not a romance novelist. However, every book that I have written has a romantic element. I am a fan of love. I love seeing happy couples together and cringe when I see unhappy couples tolerating one another—I see that a lot. When I read the book of Ruth, I was fascinated. They actually dated in biblical times. Who knew? Seriously, I read it and I want to share what I learned. I don’t know how long this series will last, but I will keep going until it is done.

The word itself is…unsettling. No one wants to settle. Some fear settling so much that they are willing to make a list of criteria that their future spouse must meet before they get a chance.
Don’t get me wrong, settling is not God’s best, and He wants the best for you. However, the best is not equivalent to perfect. GOAT. To the sports fan, that is an acronym for greatest of all time. The best at what they do. Wolverine is the best at what he does, but he is far from perfect. Ali was the greatest but he was far from perfect. Winston Churchill was a great leader but he was far from perfect.

We tend to pay attention to the external, and the external connection is important, but the purpose of the external connection is to strengthen the internal connection. In other words, it is okay for you to like what you see on the outside, but if there is no kindness, love and respect in their heart. They will not magically develop these traits for you.
When Ruth met Boaz, she was impressed more by his kindness than anything. When she talked to Naomi, she spoke of his kindness—not his looks. It impressed Naomi too. Your Boaz type man will have something inside of him that says, “I am a good man.” It will shine like a billboard for all to see.

Now you may translate that into “a nice guy,” and that may be a problem for you. I have heard many women, senior high schoolers and senior citizens, big-boned and skinny mini, country mouse and city mouse, say that “he is too nice” with disdain in their words. Deep down, they felt like they were settling.
I recall some women saying the same thing about me.

It took me a while to understand, why there was a group of women who spoke so highly of my traits but then turned around and said that the same thing that made me a great person didn’t make me boyfriend material. Then it hit me one day after a girl told me that. I realized that there were issues on both sides of the ball. I couldn’t do anything about her baggage, but I realized that part of the reason I was a “nice guy” was because I misunderstood that good men had traits that could be associated with “nice guys” and “bad boys.” Moses had anger issues, Jacob was a liar and David was a ladies’ man. Every man needs to have an edge. This edge is a manifestation of his passion and that passion in turn will awaken something primal in his love interest. That is why the musician and artist are so successful in the dating game. Their passion is evident, so much so that it permeates their lives.
The same is true for women too. Nice girls have to embrace their inner bad girl too. Ruth, walking up in Boaz’s room had inner bad girl written all over it.

Now don’t misunderstand, this is not a suggestion to become some type of deviant. Moreover, I am not suggesting that being bad is good. No, I am suggesting that even the worst of us have some good traits. And some of the traits that we associate with Billy Bad Boy or noble traits, that we need to unlock.
Balance is the key.

Next time we will look at merging the two. The so-called nice guy with the bad boy and getting a good man.